i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
