Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
