she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
