that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
