I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
