May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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