i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize