wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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