So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
