I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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