I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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