Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
