6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
