Who wears a wallet chain?!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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