At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
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it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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