I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
