mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.