eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that