I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
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no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt