remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
