Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
