Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
