So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
