My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize