Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
