I don't think brook has ever known best
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
