when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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