So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
