There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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