he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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