Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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