come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
