yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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