I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
