She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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