She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
