I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
