Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
