i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
