it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize