Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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