i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
