You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
