he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
