sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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