it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
