I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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