VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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