My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
