he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
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Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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