I'm passing your future prison.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
