I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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