What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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