They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
