You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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