I'm really into asian looking animals
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
