just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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