his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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