I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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