Your tits are I can't wait for
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize