he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
