the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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