Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
