I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
