I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Randomize
