I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
