I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need a beard to bite.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
