She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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