Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
