just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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