Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex