Texts From Last Night

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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.

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  (952): I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it. http://tfl.nu/soz7
  Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (438)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving

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  (848): a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving http://tfl.nu/nqcq
  Replies (25) Good night (6824) Bad night (785)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2402) Bad night (36077)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...

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  (402): who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar... http://tfl.nu/yz5c
  Replies (51) Good night (1082) Bad night (5497)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake

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  (501): he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake http://tfl.nu/mrvl
  Replies (21) Good night (4282) Bad night (856)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that

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  (217): You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that http://tfl.nu/ym20
  Replies (53) Good night (1339) Bad night (2921)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth

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  (631): i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth http://tfl.nu/bjm9
  Replies (16) Good night (959) Bad night (4233)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

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  (615): If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen? http://tfl.nu/ze7l
  Replies (9) Good night (4498) Bad night (1129)
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  (823): View more from

  Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?

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  (823): Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning? http://tfl.nu/98fh
  Replies (5) Good night (1057) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...

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  (902): Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask? (902): It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet... http://tfl.nu/mgzk
  Replies (19) Good night (2130) Bad night (512)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.

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  (484): future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/vyz8
  Replies (9) Good night (1714) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunday is the day of rest.

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.

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  (857): Sunday is the day of rest. (857): As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest. http://tfl.nu/lma5
  Replies (3) Good night (2042) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.

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  (206): I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent. http://tfl.nu/cy1a
  Replies (6) Good night (886) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.

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  (253): He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/0nhv
  Replies (8) Good night (860) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON

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  (971): you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON http://tfl.nu/6e6p
  Replies (8) Good night (2262) Bad night (294)

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