i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life