if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't deserve a penis
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.