ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.