I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
