On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
