there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
