we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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