i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
