youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
